Hold my Hand?
by Punk Knut
Summary: Sirius and Remus are besties, right? So they're both gay, what will happen when a Homophoic James finds this out? RLSB, slash possible OOC. And what does Marc want?
1. Plan 1568C

Hold my hand?  
  
~~~  
  
Summary: Two lonely guys, bestfriends, or maybe more? What'll happen when they realise their feelings for each other? What happens when their friends find out? What happens when their friend is James Potter?  
  
~~~  
  
Disclaimer: J.K is my goddess, I love everything about her, she's perfect. She's perfect like Blink 182, ya that much. I don't own anything in this story, except the idea and all, lol. Not mine, hers, so ya, get it!  
  
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Chapter One:  
  
~~~  
  
No don't do that, please no. Oh God, what am I gunna do now, he's done it. The one thing that I didn't need him do and he's done it. Doesn't he know that my knees go all weak when he flick his hair out of his eyes, or brushes it back. My fingers itch to help him. I just have to control myself, which isn't very easy.  
  
Remus slowly brushed his fingers through his hair, as he quickly scribbled his notes as Flitwick explained their latest spell.  
  
"Pssst, Padfoot..." came James' call from the seat next to him. A piece of paper flicked me in the head.  
  
'Padfoot,  
  
Lily and I've got a date tonight, Peter's got detention and I need Moony and you to follow through with plan 1568C, ok?  
  
Sorry to push this on you guys alone.  
  
-Prongs.'  
  
I turned to James, smiling slightly, but quickly hid it because James wouldn't understand, considering he didn't know of my feeling for Remus.  
  
"We'll do it," I mouthed and turned to face Flitwick when he requested why I was not paying attention.  
  
"Nothing Professor, just discussing the um..." I began, thinking as I went. "The what, Mr Black?" Flitwick enquired.  
  
"The amount of force that would be required to use this spell on a full grown dragon," Remus put it, earning himself a quick thank you grin from James and I.  
  
"And your conclusion would be?" Flitwick asked Remus. The class watched intently as Remus went into deep explanation of the difference between the force you would need for a dragon compared to an adult or child, Flitwick's mouth fell open as Remus went into advanced mathematics over the distances and area.  
  
~~~  
  
The Marauders were exiting Charms, I turned to Remus. "Thanks man."  
  
"It's no problem," Remus said, blushing slightly, he felt he had over-done it a little with the advanced Mathematics.  
  
"Don't forget about tonight," James whispered to Remus and I as he and Lily passed, hand in hand.  
  
Remus raised an eyebrow at me, "What does he mean?"  
  
I smirked slightly, "Plan 1568C, we have to do it tonight."  
  
"Why is James telling us not to forget? He's in charge."  
  
We turned down the next corridor, on your way to dinner.  
  
"Yeah, about that, he's got a date with Lily, and Peter's got detention, so it's just us."  
  
I could have swore I saw a smile flick across Remus' face before we turned to walk down a staircase, was he happy to be spending the evening with me? Alone?  
  
I shook my head slighty, Of course he wouldn't mind, we're friends. My eyes are just playing tricks on me.  
  
~~~  
  
"Sirius, hold on," Remus whispered as we were about to turn down the transfiguration corridor. I stopped and listened. Footsteps were approaching.  
  
Suddenly I heard voices. Voices? Who would be stupid enough to talk at this time at night? And openly?  
  
"Black, in here," came the icy voice that could belong to none other than Severus Snape, Slytherin's own greasiest git. And who might he be talking to? None other than my wicked younger brother, Regulus.  
  
I smirked at Remus, baring teeth. Remus gave me a warning glance and laid a hand on my shoulder, as if to tell me to stay where I was.  
  
Like I was going to move with his tender fingers grazing my unworthy shoulder. I looked at him as he peered around the corner, he looked so much healthier now that the full moon had passed.  
  
"Padfoot?" some was shaking me.  
  
"Huh? Wha..?" I mummbled, blinking.  
  
Remus was looking at me strangely.  
  
"You were day-dreaming, Sirius."  
  
"I was?" I asked, shocked.  
  
Remus nodded, "Are you focused now?"  
  
I went slightly pink, "Yeah, sorry."  
  
"'Sok, man, let's go."  
  
I nodded and we tip-toed around the corner.  
  
~~~  
  
Crash! 'What's happening?' I thought was Remus and I sprinted around another corner. 'What was that crash?'  
  
"Sirius?"  
  
"I'm here."  
  
"Did you hear that?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"It's blown our cover, we better run for it."  
  
"Okay."  
  
Remus grabbed my arm and we both sprinted down corridors, waited behind armour and statues and finally made our way back to Gryffindor Tower, out of breath and still running. We didn't stop until we were standing in our dormitory, puffing like mad.  
  
"You okay?" I asked Remus, taking a seat on my bed.  
  
Remus sat down next to me. "I'm fine."  
  
Suddenly Remus took my hand in his, a tingling sensation filled my body, Remus was actually holding my hand. "Padfoot, can you just hold me hand?"  
  
I looked into his deep amber eyes, transfixed. "Sure, Moony, anything you want."  
  
~~~  
  
I know it is so rushed aye, review to tell me what YOU think, means alot to me.  
  
Here are things you can tell me about:  
  
1) That I suck at spelling, coz I'm too lazy to re-read my stuff.  
  
2) That my story sucks, or rules, which ever you actually think. I wanna know.  
  
3) That it ain't slashy yet, well I could telly you that, and I jst did, lol. I'm getting there, relax.  
  
4) Damn... I can't think of anything else. One thing I wanna know is... What do YOU think.  
  
'Till next chapter,  
  
~Thai. 


	2. Taste of a Kiss

**Hold My Hand? :: Chapter Two**

**Summary:** Two lonely guys, bestfriends, maybe more? What'll happen when they realise their feelings for each other? What happens when their friends find out? What happens when their friend is James Potter?

**Disclaimer:** See previous chapter/s.

--

**Last Time:**

Remus grabbed my arm and we both sprinted down corridors, waited behind armour and statues and finally made our way back to Gryffindor Tower, out of breath and still running. We didn't stop until we were standing in our dormitory, puffing like mad.  
  
"You okay?" I asked Remus, taking a seat on my bed.  
  
Remus sat down next to me. "I'm fine."  
  
Suddenly Remus took my hand in his, a tingling sensation filled my body, Remus was actually holding my hand. "Padfoot, can you just hold me hand?"  
  
I looked into his deep amber eyes, transfixed. "Sure, Moony, anything you want."

--

**Chapter Two: Taste of a Kiss**

--

Remus' hand on mine could definately be rated as one of the best experiences of my entire life. There wasn't one moment in my life that I can remember feeling so light-headed and care-free.

Remus' other hand touched my cheek softly. "This... this isn't freaking you out?" Remus asked, his eyes penetrating mine.

I shook my head vigourously. "Freking me out? Moony, I've wanted this since for... for..."

"Ever?" he filled in.

My heart melted. "You... you like me like that too?"

"Sirius, I... I thought I'd die some nights if I couldn't just feel your skin on mine."

My head swelled, this was too over-whelming. I was day-dreaming, right? This couldn't actually be happening? Could it? Was it really true? Did Remus like me as I do him?

Remus' head leant forward and his lips brushed against mine. My body reacted to natural impluses and my lips moved against his, my body moving closer to him. The grip of our hands was getting tighter.

His hand on my cheek softly carressed the bare skin, causing my whole body to tremble with each stroke. I couldn't believe the reactions Remus could envoke in me, reactions no girl had ever been able to accomplish.

Suddenly he pulled away, breathing heavily. I looked up at him hurt, wondering why he had stopped.

His hand still gripped mine and then i heard it too; voices outside the room.

It was James and Peter.

The dormitory door cracked open, and Remus and I let go of each other's hands, moving back a little. James and Peter stepped into the room, laughing.

James raised an eyebrow at us. "You guys alright?"

"Yeah, why?" I asked, my voice a little shaky.

"You look a little flushed," he commented. My cheeks blushed a bright pink, Remus remained cool.

"We had to run all the way back here, the plan failed," Remus told James, crossing to his own bed.

"What!" James cried, "It failed. What went wrong?" He asked, collasping on him bed dramtically. Remus began to explain.

--

The next few weeks seemed to go by in one hot flash. One moment, Remus would be sneaking me notes in class, the next, he'd be stealing kisses in the blackened corners of the library. We actually had the guts to lay beside the lake and hold hands in the open.

I don't know if you need to be told, but in the Wizarding World, Homosexuality is even less accepted than in the Muggle World. Homosexual wizards used to be openly the flogged in streets in my grandfather's day. Only thanks to open-minded people such as Albus Dumbledore, and even Minvera McGonagall, that they aren't openly discriminated against.

Remus' hand gave mine a hard squeeze under the desk, bringing me back to reality. We were in the library, 'studying' for our end of year examinations.

"What's wrong?" Remus asked, his fingers playing in between mine.

"Nothing," I said, picking up my quill. Remus rested our clasped hands on my knee, a concerned look on his eyes. I tried to concentrate, but his eyes seemed to be cutting into my mind. Sighing, I look back up at him, my heart aches at the worried look on his mind. "Moony, please don't look at me like that."

Remus looked down at his notes, his looking concerned. "Sorry," he apologised in a whisper.

"No, I'm sorry. I've been worrying you all week, aye?"

Remus' eyes looked up at me, though his head was still bent down. He didn't answer, though he didn't have to.

"I've just been, really sidetracked. I have things on my mind. I think I better go," I said, packing up my things; which caused me to let go of Remus' hand.

Remus' worried look grew. "Do you want me to come with you?" he asked.

I shook my head, putting my book back over one shoulder.

Remus simply watched me leave. I felt like shit for leaving him there like that, but that look... it was so... painful to look upon.

I rounded the corner and went sprawling to the floor.

"I'm so sorry..." someone apologised.

I got to my knees, picking up my fallen things. My eyes fell on pools of vibrant green, creamy skin and spiked, sun-sreaked blonde hair. I could hardly blink as a creamy hand brushed over mine as I picked up a bottle of ink.

"No, it was all my fault," my voice croaked.

I stood, to find the boy I was facing was slightly taller than I, with broad shoulders and a face most girls would do anything to simply look at.

"Hey, you're Sirius Black, aye?"

"Er... yeah," I said, smirking my mischeivious grin.

"Man, you're a legend..." the boy began, but stopped himself. His eyes travelled over his Slytherin uniform. "I gotta get back," he told me before quickly rushing off the was I had just come.

I breathed out the air I hadn't realised I had been holding in.

This was not a good thing, very much not a good thing. I hadn't just found that Slytherin attractive, had I? But I love Remus, right? This was more confusing than ever. Not only do I have to worry about James and Peter finding out about Remus and I, but now I have to worry about my loyalty to Remus.

--

_End Chapter..._

_Ohhh.... So Sirius is becoming unfaithful....? Will Remus find out? And will James and Peter find out about his relationship with Remus? So much drama, don't you jus love it?_

_Please excuse my spelling and poor grammar. I just got acryllic - white tips (55 bucks) and they're seriously hard to type in._

_Anyway, until next chapter..._

_**Always,**_

_**Jnari, kisses and cookies.**_


	3. Alone

**Hold My Hand: Chapter Three**

A/N: Sorry it's been so long since I've updated, but I've just been so busy with things like school and... okay, I think I'll just stop there.

Chapter Three: Alone

* * *

The days suddenly began to melt into one. I felt like I was going crazy. One minute I would be sitting in the Great Hall having breakfast, the next I could be sitting in Transfiguration or in Potions, and it was all going too fast. Remus was starting to notice my stress, which stressed him, which I didn't want. And finally, one thing was leading to another and it came to the point where I found myself making my way to the Hospital Wing, in search of the nurse.

I needed something to keep my mind off things, to slow everything down. I couldn't handle my life at the pace it was going. Madam Pomfrey, the new nurse, seemed to welcome me with open arms.

"You're not the only one suffering from these symptoms, honey," she told me, sitting me down. "I've had many students over the years come to me. I know just the potion for you."

She hurried off to her medicine cupboard and began rummaging.

The thought that I wasn't the only one who went through this was rather comforting. I didn't exactly want to be some kind of a freak. At least she didn't think I was crazy, that was a plus side.

Pomfrey came back, holding a small green bottle. "Now these aren't in liquid form, they're like muggle tablets. You need to take one before breakfast and one just after lunch, okay?"

Nodding, I took the bottle from her and quickly put it into my pocket.

"If you have any more problems, don't hesitate to come see me, dear."

I nodded again, thanked her, and quickly left.

* * *

Taking the tablets were harder than I thought. I didn't want anyone to know I was on them, and I especially didn't want Remus, James or Peter to know. Hiding them was becoming increasingly difficult.

I would go to the bathroom right before we would go down to dinner, take one and be off. That was easy enough, but trying to take one after lunch was difficult. The bathroom excuse made Remus suspicious. I feared he thought I had some kind of eating disorder, rushing after the bathroom after every lunch. I hoped he didn't.

James and Peter were rather ignorant about these things, but they would catch on eventually.

Remus conforted me about them, it was the first fight we had had since we had become a... couple.

* * *

"Sirius, come here. We need to talk."

The moment he had said it, I knew exactly what it had to be about.

"Okay," I muttered, wandering over to his bed. James and Peter had gone for a fly.

Remus took my hands in his as I sat down next to him. "Sirius, I wouldn't say anything, but I'm really worried. You've been acting rather strange."

"So?" I asked, pretending to not know what he was talking about.

"Sirius, we've all been noticing it. Every lunch you seem to rush off to the bathroom. You're not..." he paused, obviously finding this hard to say. "You don't have any insecurities, do you? You know I like you as you are right?"

Oh no, he thought I was making myself sick because of him! I wasn't even being sick.

"I know you do, and I don't have any insecurities. I have... I have a weak bladder," I lied, knowing exactly how lame it was.

Remus shook his head. "Sirius, don't lie to me. Don't you trust me? You can tell me."

"Of course I trust you!" I burst out, getting off the bed. "Look, you wouldn't understand."

It was now that I mentally kicked myself for my stupidity of letting him know there was something happening.

"What wouldn't I understand?" he asked, getting off the bed and stepping closer to me. I took a step back, my eyes closed so I couldn't see the look of hurt on his face.

"Look, don't worry about it. I... I want to be alone," I said, looking towards the door.

Remus sighed, "Fine, whatever. Be sick, hurt yourself. Just know you're hurting all of us everytime you do." This was all he said before turning and walking out of the room. The door slammed in his wake.

* * *

Now Remus was mad at me, and all I had to blame was myself and those stupid tablets.

James and Peter were obviously on Remus' side when it came to this argument. I found myself sitting away from them during meals and classes. I would study alone in the library and found loneliness extremely hard to bear. I knew all I had to do was tell them about the tablets, but I just couldn't.

It was like I had a little voice in my head that would scream everytime I even thought about letting them know. I missed Remus like you wouldn't believe. And I was hurting him by staying away, but I just couldn't help it.

It was on one day when I was sitting in the library alone that my loneliness actually ended... and another part of my life seemed to fall to pieces.

* * *

"Hey, are you alright?" a soft voice asked, as the owner took the seat across from mine, dropping books onto the table. I looked up, and nearly fell off my chair. It was that Slytherin.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I lied.

"Okay, whatever you say," the Slytherin muttered, knowing I was lying. "So, why are you alone?"

I was slightly shocked by the question. "I, um, I just sort of am."

The Slytherin nodded. "Cool, I guess that's alright. Oh, yeah, sorry... I'm Marc," he extended a hand.

"Hey," I said, shaking the hand. "I guess you already know who I am."

Marc chuckled, "Yeah, I guess I do."

Conversation seemed to flow from there. It was as I watched Marc work that someone tapped me on the shoulder.

Spinning around, my heart nearly stopped. "Oh, Remus... hey."

Remus' mouth turned into a frown. "What are you doing?" This eyes took in the form of Marc.

* * *

Sorry again for making this take so long. New chapter will be up soon, promise.

Until then...


End file.
